Regression

regression:(Tim's definition) From the root word regress. To fall into old patterns.

Do you ever feel like you're slipping, instead of moving forward? Like you're losing traction? To me, that's exactly what parenting can feel like sometimes. Now,I know I'm a total novice at this. But after nine years you think some things would get easier. But it doesn't seem to...and from what I hear from parents of teenagers,it won't.

When we first started having babies, I used to read a lot on how to parent properly. (okay,I'd watch it on Supernanny) One reason for this was that we moved here from across the country and had no family locally.
The other reason was that I really wanted to be a good dad.

My dad was a really good dad,and had always been my hero. But he was a good dad in a blue-collar,1950's, suck it up -and- do -what -your -told kind of way. Imagine if Red from That 70's Show wrote a parenting manual. That would be my dad.  And to be honest, with raising boys that worked pretty well for him.

I just always figured that if times change, and we learn more and more about kids and how they think, then we definitely owe it to them to teach them in a way that makes learning easier for them and helps them to become more self-confident well rounded people. Lately though, as our time is more limited together as a family, and as we are working more hours on the business, tensions tend to put me into "Daddy-auto pilot" and I find some of my dad's sayings spewing forth. Like:

         -"Because I told you to."
                     or
         -"You can see as well as I can, get your stuff off the floor."
                     or
         -"If you're not sitting at this table in one minute,you're going to bed without dinner."
                     or
         -"You know,there are kids in this world who go to bed hungry who don't have this kind of food to eat.
           You should be thankful." (Which is really a watered down version of the old "there's kids starving in
           China" bit.)

That being said, I have not reverted to the classic  "Quit crying  before I give you something to cry about." or "get out of my sight." quote. But then again, I don't have teenagers yet, and I haven't had my son "borrow the keys to a girlfriend's new Geo Metro, only to total it in the school parking lot on a tetherball pole,while trying to do a doughnut  in the parking lot.(oh,did I mention he didn't even have his license yet?) So I chalk some of those quotes up to pressures I'm not under yet.

I've also not had my son back my truck into my car in my driveway. Maybe in that situation " You couldn't go hit somebody else's car instead of hitting both of mine? Are you on drugs??" is a reasonable response. Or at minimum an excusable one.

In the end, though,I think we're all just doing the best we can,and as parents we have good days and bad days. I'm just trying to think more before I go with the easy" knee-jerk parenting" responses with my kids. And trying to remember that whatever I'm going through at that moment,they still have the right to just be kids. I don't have to be a perfect dad,but I do owe it to them to try to be.

-Tim


let me know what you guys in internet-land think about the subject. We'd love to hear from you.